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让枕边人迅速离婚的13个问题
The 13 Questions That Lead to Divorce

来源:纽约时报    2017-11-10 09:49:53



         “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” which highlighted the 36 questions that one psychologist says can lead to love, is one of the most popular Modern Love columns ever. Here, an alternative take.        《如何快速与陌生人相爱》是“摩登情爱”栏目至今为止最受欢迎的文章之一,它列出了一位心理学家称可以让人坠入爱河的36个问题。以下,是另一种尝试。
        First, grab someone you hope to someday divorce. Choose anyone. Oh, hey, how about the person next to you in bed clipping their toenails and eating leftover kimchi with their hands? They seem super-divorceable.        首先,找到一个你希望有一天与其离婚的人。任何人都可以。噢,嘿,那个在床上躺在你旁边、一边剪着脚趾甲、一边用手吃着韩国泡菜剩饭的家伙怎么样?他们看起来超级招人想和他们离婚。
        With these questions, keep an eye out for mutual disdain. When resentment surfaces, lean into it. It’s the key to splitting up. Allow it to push you further apart until someone ends up alone watching “Roadhouse” at a Motel 6.        拿着这些问题,留心寻找你们流露出的相互的轻蔑。当怨恨开始浮现,让自己投入这种情绪。这是分手的关键。让它将你们扯开得更远,直到某个人最终沦落到在一家汽车旅馆里独自看《威龙杀阵》(Roadhouse)。
        Before starting this exercise, one of you should read the following instructions aloud while the other removes any sharp objects from the room. Hide the blunt potential projectiles, too.        在开始这个练习之前,你们其中一人应该大声读出以下指南,而另一个人则要把房间里的任何尖锐物品拿走。也要把那些可能会被用来扔向彼此的钝器藏好。
        1. Read each question aloud while the other shuts up and doesn’t talk over me. The other just listens. Can the other do that? Just listen?        1. 大声朗读每个问题,另一个人闭嘴,不要盖过我的话。对方只需要听。能做到吗?只听?
        2. It’s important to answer each question in order, though it’s hard to tell what’s important to you anymore.        2. 按顺序回答问题很重要,虽然现在已经很难讲出什么对你来说还算重要的了。
        3. The questions are divided into three sets. Each set will take about five minutes but feel like an eternity. That’s why the questions are divided into three sets. Because an eternity divided by three is ... um.        3. 问题被分成了三个部分。每个部分需要大概5分钟时间,但你会感觉那如同永恒。这就是为什么这些问题被分成了三部分。因为永恒除以三等于……嗯。
        4. Do not rush through the questions, but answer each one at a comfortable, quick-to-turn-defensive, deeply spiteful pace.        4. 不要仓促完成这些问题,但要用一种让你舒服的、能够快速转变成自我防御、带着深深怨恨的节奏回答每一个问题。
        5. You probably won’t get through all the questions in each set, and that will be your fault. Just like everything else.        5. 你可能不会完成每一部分里的每个问题,而那将会是你的错。就和其他任何事情一样。
        SET I        第一部分
        1. Which one of my siblings do you find most attractive?        1. 你觉得我的兄弟姐妹中的哪一个最有吸引力?
        2. If you were to die tomorrow, how and by whom would you want to be killed?        2. 如果你明天就会死去,你想要被谁、用什么方式杀死?
        3. Name 4,000 things we don’t have in common.        3. 说出4000件我们毫无共同点的事。
        4. What does the inside of a gym look like? (No Googling this!)        4. 健身房里面长什么样?(不准用谷歌搜索!)
        SET II        第二部分
        5. Where’s the Apple TV remote?        5. 苹果电视的遥控器在哪?
        6. If you were given the chance to bring peace to the Middle East, would you also make that about you?        6. 如果你可以给中东来带和平,你也会把自己变得平和正常一些吗?
        7. It’s not under the couch. You had it last. Where is it???        7. 遥控器不在沙发垫子下面。你昨晚用过。它到底在哪???
        8. I don’t want to grow old with you. (Whoops — more of a statement.)        8. 我不想和你一起变老。(哎呀!这更像一个声明。)
        SET III        第三部分
        9. Our house is on fire. What’s the one thing you grab before escaping the flames besides the original copy of our prenup?        9. 我们的房子着火了。在逃离火海前,除了我们的婚前财产协议的原版之外,你还想带走的一件东西是什么?
        10. Do you think a new shower curtain rod is going to buy and install itself?        10. 你觉得一根新的浴帘杆会自己把自己买回家并安装好吗?
        11. If you could go back in time, would you mind staying there?        11. 如果时间可以倒退,你会愿意留在从前吗?
        12. What’s one thing you like about me? (LOL kidding, skip this.)        12. 你喜欢我的一点是什么?(LOL 开玩笑呢,略过这一题。)
        12a. If we were the last two people on Earth, whom would you want to divorce and why?        12a. 如果我们是地球上剩下的最后两个人,你会想和谁离婚?为什么?
        13. Should we have sex now?        13. 我们现在要做爱吗?
        After answering “I’m all set” to the last question, take four minutes to quietly stare into space thinking about who gets to keep the Apples to Apples decks.        在对最后这个问题回答“我已经不需要了”之后,用4分钟的时间安静地呆呆凝视前方,想一想《苹果派对》游戏牌最后归谁。
        Read new Modern Love essays and follow-ups from past favorites here.        点击此处阅读“摩登情爱”栏目最新文章,以及往期最热门的文章的后续。
                
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